Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Is it Time to Move On?

I recently read a wonderful article by Nina Yau from castles in the air about How to Know When It’s Time To Move On

The article discusses knowing when to let go of something that no longer serves you. And I know for a fact that I have a hard time moving on, I still get upset over the mean things that people said to me when I was in elementary school. My unwillingness to let go has caused me frustration. For example, I've been working at my current employer since February 2009, and we're getting ready to go into 2012. I never thought that I would have worked at a place for three years. I think the reason I was okay for a while, was I felt that I couldn't do better.

[via lilyka]

I still feel that way sometimes. I don't feel smart enough or pretty enough, but I have more days now where I feel good. I know most of my self doubt steamed from my childhood. I was bullied relentlessly by the other kids in elementary school through college. And it's hard to like yourself when everyone else is telling you that you're worthless. So, I went through the first 26 years of my life not thinking I was good enough. For a long time I thought that God hated me, isn't that sad? As a child I never understood why he would let me be treated that way. 

I think it was His way of getting me to rely on Him and not other people for love. But, if course I didn't get it then. I've held on to these negative feeling for so long that they became a part of me, I refused to let them go and move on. But, now that I'm letting God in and letting Him take care of things I no long have room for the negativity. I was a gossip, judgmental, a glutton obsessed with the material instead of the spiritual. I'm now at a point where I consciously and unconsciously understand that God's love for me is more important than someone's mean negative thoughts about me. I understand that I've completed this particular assignment and it's time to move on.


  1. Shani - I hate to hear how bad you feel and maybe it isn't my place to tell you what I am about to say since I haven't known you very long but I don't think I could sleep if I don't. I have been in your shoes. I have been at that point in my life where I just felt like REALLY? WHY ME? WHAT DID I EVER DO? My breaking point was when a guy my sister tried to set me up with told're're just not attractive and then tried to pawn me off on his hideous friend. I was crushed. It was the straw that broke the camel's back for me. I went to my parents house and I just cried and cried. My mom tried to comfort me with all words that mothers would say but nothing helped. Then she said...maybe you should join Weight Watchers...I cried even more because I left as if she agreed. But honestly, it was the best thing I ever did. I lost 50 pounds and felt great...not just for losing the weight but it was as if my journey to lose it taught me to love myself. The meetings are so helpful. You meet people that have the same situations and can relate and that care. You learn so much about yourself and how to keep yourself healthy and happy that the extra bonus is losing the weight.

    I am engaged now which I NEVER thought would happen for me and I've put back on some of those 50 pounds but they don't control me anymore and since I now love myself I have freed myself to be loved. I would have never met my soul mate had I not listened to my mom's advice.

    Again, maybe it is not my place to say this, but when I say I care...I really mean it and I hate to think of you hurting so bad - because I know that pain.

    I wish you the best of luck in whatever way you decide to make things better and I will be here...cheering you on the whole way.

    ♥ Shia

  2. Thanks, sometimes I think we don't give ourselves enough credit. I think people can pick on when a person doesn't feel good about themselves, and when someone who is mean picks that up they go after you. I can't get over how rude that guy was, it's so disrespectful. But, I think sometimes we need to be pushed out of our comfort zone in order to approve on ourselves.

    Over the past year I've really improved my self-esteem, I still have days that are bad, but I'm able to let of things faster. And I've accepted the fact that some people are just mean. I realize that other people's negative comment shouldn't be a deciding factor in my loving myself or not.

  3. I'm so glad you aren't upset with my comment...I really just hate to hear that you are hurting.

    Bumps in the road are hard but like you said..enough bumps and the next one doesn't take so much time to get over. With all that has happened to me I just learned who's ever going to have my back if I don't have my back?

    Yeah that guy was a complete jerk the karma of it all is that after I lost all the weight I ran into him and he wanted my number and HE HAD GAINED WEIGHT! My mom said that it was his punishment for being such a jerk...he gained what I lost.

    Have a great day! The weekend is ALMOST here =)