Tuesday, January 3, 2012

First Day Back

[via lilyka]

Today is the first day back after the new year. I still have my 2011 calendar sitting on my desk because I haven't been able to find one that I like. It seems that either cat calenders are really popular or they aren't making them.

Last night I started my path from hoarder to minimalist. I got rid of two trash bags worth of stuff. Oddly enough, I find that watching A&E's Hoarders makes me clean. I don't want to end up like those people. My grandmother is a hoarder and I think that's wear I got it from. I also think that my hoarding came from me not having my own room until I went to college. My parents took over my closet and dresser, all my things were confined to a wardrobe box, nightstand and under my bed. So, I think me not having my own identifiable space cause two things. 1) I never learned about organization and 2) The junk that I've accumulated acts as a barrier to keep them out of my room.

Now, I also think this sudden urge to purge everything is part of my prayer for a husband. I know that I'm meant to be a homemaker. But, what man would marry someone who is messy? And now, that my relationship is closer to God, He's reviled to me the reason that He said no was because I wasn't ready yet. And I didn't see that before.

Plus, I hated myself. You can't love someone else and hate yourself at the same time. And I wanted someone to give me a reason to love myself. And that wouldn't have been a healthy or long lasting relationship. Before I was mad, I saw all these other people will boyfriends and I didn't have one. I stopped hanging out with certain people because all they talked about were their boyfriends and I had nothing to contribute. 

And looking back on it, those people weren't good for me to begin with. It's amazing to see how God has worked in your life, even when you were mad at Him for not giving you what you wanted when you wanted it. It reminded me of Genesis chapter 16. God has promised Abram and Sarai a child, but they got impatient in waiting and did what they wanted and things fell apart. If I had gone on and did whatever I wanted my life would probably be in shambles right now.

But, it's not and it's getting better because I'm submitting myself to God. Now, that's not to say that I don't have my rebellious days. Before I would just do things and not feel on way or another about it. But now, if I do something I feel guilty about it. So, I know He's changing me as a person. And I'm excited about that. It'll be interesting to see where I am at the end of the year.

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